195A- Taking Good Care of the Penguins
There was a guy who had a truck full of penguins, and he was heading to the zoo. But in the middle of the road, his truck broke down, so he was trying hard to fix it. Then someone in another truck passed by and asked if he could help him. And so the first guy said, “Oh, yes, yes! You came on time. Here’s $500. Please take this group of penguins to the zoo immediately.” And the other guy said, “Oh! No problem!” He took the $500 and said, “Five hundred dollars? Are you sure?” The first guy said, “Yes, sure, sure! Just take all the penguins right away.” And so he loaded all the penguins into his own truck, and he took off.
An hour later, the guy had fixed his car. He caught up with the second guy at the zoo, where he saw him walking out with all the penguins following him, behind. He said, “What are you doing?” And the second guy said, “Well, you gave me 500 dollars. It’s too much. I took them to the zoo, but there’s still some left, so I’m taking them to the movies now.”
 
12/8 195B- It’s Tea Time on the Train!
Train tea is supposed to be very bad. There was a passenger going on a train, and it was tea time. A boy was coming around with a cart and asked, “Would you like to have a cup of tea, sir?” The passenger said, “Ah, yes. I’ll have a cup.” The boy said, “With or without milk?” And the passenger said, “With milk, and sugar as well, but no tea!”
 
12/8 194A- The Feeling Is Mutual
There were two people who went together on a blind date. After a while, they were so bored. It was a very boring blind date. Suddenly a friend of his called him on the phone, so he stepped away from the table in the restaurant, went outside and talked with the friend for a while. After he came back, he said to his female blind date, “I’m sorry, my grandfather has died. I have to go.” So the woman, who was very understanding, said, ¨Oh, of course, of course! That’s very good because if your grandfather didn’t die, mine must die.”
 
12/8 194B Just Sitting in for My Brother
There was a lady who saw a man begging on the street with a hat in front of him that said, “Blind: Please help!” So, she put a dollar in the hat. But the wind was blowing so quickly that the dollar blew away. The man stood up and chased after the dollar, and put it in his pocket. And the lady said, “It’s written here, ‘Blind man: Please help!’ But you are not blind!” He said, “Yes, that’s not me. I am not the beggar. It’s my brother.” So she said, “Then what are you doing here?” He said, “Well, I am just sitting in for him for a while.” The lady asked, “And where is your brother now?” He replied, “Oh, he went to see a movie.”
 
 
197A- Finding the Right Medical Term
A man went into a doctor’s office and told the doctor that he had a problem. He said that he could not do anything around the house to help his wife at all. So the doctor gave him a good, thorough examination.
Then the patient asked, “What is wrong with me, doctor? Just tell me in simple terms in English. What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor said, “Okay, really simply: You are lazy.”
So the patient said, “Okay. But now you have to give me a medical term so that I can explain to my wife.”
 
197B-The Secret to Longevity
A little boy was sitting in the park eating something, when an old lady came over to him and said: “Son, don’t you know that eating all those sweets will rot your teeth, and even make you ill?” So the little kid replied, “Oh, my grandfather lived to be 120 years old.” And the old lady said, “But did he always eat the whole bag of sweets at one time like you do?” And the little boy said, “No, no, he didn’t, but he did mind his own business.”
 
196A- One More Prayer
A little girl in her Sunday dress was running as fast as she could because she didn’t want to be late for her Bible class. So she was running and praying at the same time: “Oh dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Don’t let me be late!” Since she was running and praying, she didn’t pay attention, and she stumbled and fell, with all her clothes becoming muddy and dirty. So she got up, shook herself off a little bit and then started running again, saying: “Oh dear Lord, please don’t let me be late, but don’t push me either!”
 
196B- Self-Help
A man went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” So she said, “If I showed you, that wouldn’t be the purpose, would it?”